Avoiding Preferential Parenting: Kids Corner

Aired on Lifetime Television
Sunday, January 22 and March 5, 2006
Show 303

Singling out one child for special treatment, positive or negative can actually hurt the entire family. There are perils to playing favorites. Just think about this. Do you like one of your children just a little bit more than the other? Experts say that it's actually normal. What's not normal however, and a little bit harmful is showing favoritism. What is interesting is that in 78 percent of the cases of preferential treatment, a recent study showed that children said it was fair. How can that be? Fair treatment is not the same as identical treatment. And special circumstances for the needs of individual kids require different treatment. Siblings accept this when they understand the reasons behind it. For example, if your toddler talks back in public and gets a time out, that's fair. If your teen does the same thing, he can expect a different punishment than two minutes in a corner. But if you're truly favoring one child over the other, it's not just the neglected one who suffers. The one to whom you're giving preferential treatment suffers as well. Kids don't understand your behavior and they see it as unfair and unpredictable. Looking at a parent like that creates resentment in the siblings who are out of favor and uncertainty about the future in the favored ones. Ultimately, your preferential parenting will begin to undermine your children's relationships with each other. That could mean more aggressiveness or anger in your kids and no closeness as they grow up. So the next time you're disciplining or complimenting, make sure you dish it out fairly.